Memories
by benedictotterbatch
Summary: Phil remembers everything when it comes to Dan.
1. Chapter 1

**He remembers the first time he saw Dan.**

Stood in the freezing cold, at a YouTube gathering in central Manchester. Phil didn't particularly feel like talking to excited fangirls in subzero temperatures, and being crowded by this many people nearly always triggered anxiety attacks. But he couldn't disappoint them; he didn't want to let the fans down.

As the crowd began to clear and dusk settled in the air, he sighed with relief. It would probably only be another half an hour before he could slip away to meet his flatmate, PJ, for a quiet coffee in Starbucks.

"Hello."

A male voice interrupted his thoughts, and Phil jumped slightly, caught off guard by the sudden approach. "Hey!" Phil replied with all the enthusiasm he could muster, most of it having been completely drained in an effort to keep up his carefree facade all day. He looked up to see who was addressing him, and felt his heart stop in his chest. A tall, slender boy stood in front of him, with his hands in the pockets of his black skinny jeans. His dark brown hair fell perfectly around his face, framing his delicate features perfectly. His striking brown eyes took Phil's breath away. He was the picture of perfection.

Realising he must have been staring for a while; Phil cleared his throat and blushed, suddenly becoming all too aware of how scruffy and tired he looked. "You're AmazingPhil from YouTube, I mean, sorry to state the obvious but- sorry, forget all of that, I'm Dan." The boy stared at his feet, and Phil was relieved that Dan seemed as nervous as he felt. He found he couldn't help smiling at him. "Well, I'm Phil as you already know." '_That is the lamest thing you have ever said'_ Phil internally cursed did he care so much about impressing this boy? He didn't even know him... But there was something about him that made Phil want to know him. Maybe it was how his heart melted when Dan smiled. Maybe it was because he was wearing a Muse t-shirt, and they were his favourite band. He didn't know. But for the first time in his life, Phil decided to be impulsive.

"It's getting really dark and Manchester is pretty full of crazies at this time, but I want to talk to you some more. Would you like to come for coffee with me and my friend PJ? I mean, if you don't and that's really creepy and I shouldn't have said anything-" "I would absolutely love to." Dan cut him off, throwing him another heartbreakingly beautiful smile.

The two of them had hit it off almost immediately. Although originally Phil was meant to be going to Starbucks to spend time with PJ, he spent all of it laughing with Dan. Talking about things they had in common, video games they liked, and generally enjoying each other's company. PJ didn't mind, he had his boyfriend Chris to keep him company. And besides, it was hilarious to watch Phil blush as he threw him knowing looks over the table.

When it was getting late and Dan announced his parents would be getting worried, Phil insisted on walking him home. He only lived around 10 minutes away from Phil's own apartment, and he was worried about him walking back alone. Besides, he wanted to spend more time with him. They reached Dan's house, a small, well kept terraced building, identical to all those that surrounded it. Dan turned to Phil and pulled him into a hug.

"I had a wonderful time tonight. Would.. Would you like to hang out again sometime?" Dan asked, biting his lip nervously.

"I would love to." Phil replied, with the first genuine smile he had worn in months. Dan stepped forward and leaned up slightly, placing a light kiss on Phil's cheek.

"Goodnight Phil."

**A/N: First chapter of my first chaptered fic! Let me know if you want me to post more, or if you think its terrible!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: thank you for your lovely comments! this chapter is quite short and filler-ish, but I wanted to develop their relationship a little more before the next few. :) **

_**He remembers the second time he saw Dan. **_

Since exchanging numbers, the two of them had messaged near constantly. Phil found out all about Dan's family, and how he got on really well with his mum, but not with his Dad. How he was in his last year of school before going to Uni to study law. How really he wanted to be an actor. How he loved cold weather more than warmth. His favourite songs, his pet hates. If Phil was totally honest with himself, he was smitten with the boy. Despite Dan being 18 and he being 22. Was there anything wrong with that? He pushed all romantic thoughts of Dan from his head, or at least, made an attempt to.

They had arranged to meet up again tomorrow and all he could think about was pressing his lips to the younger boys own.

Phil sat on the bench they had agreed to meet at, shivering slightly against the bitter wind. Normally he would never leave the house on a day like this, but he was seeing Dan, who was worth bracing the cold for. He checked his phone compulsively every few seconds, waiting for Dan to arrive. It was 12.01, they had arranged to meet at 12.00. What if it was all an elaborate joke? What if Dan really hated him and was watching somewhere, laughing? Phil pushed these thoughts from his head. '_It will be okay.' _He told himself, willing himself to believe it.

Four minutes later, he saw someone walking towards him out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head to see Dan walking towards him, and felt his heart stop. He had forgotten how beautiful he was.

Unable to stop a huge smile spreading across his face, and also unable to wait for Dan to reach him, he stood up and walked towards him, pulling him into a hug.

"Would you hold it against me if I said I've missed you?" Phil asked, his face still buried in Dan's neck, taking him in.

"Only if you would hold it against me if I said I missed you."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for all of your lovely reviews so far! Its really nice since this is the first time I've written a chaptered fic! I've been doing exams and I've been quite sick so I haven't been able to get online much, but from now on I'll try post a new chapter every two days. Okay. This was a long authors note. On with the story. :P**

**He remembers when he could first call Dan his own. **

Over the next few months, they saw each other near constantly. Dan spent most of his spare time at Phil's flat, and when he couldn't be there, he was Skyping or texting him. They both knew they were more than friends, but neither had the nerve to say it.

"Hey, PJ is staying at Chris's tomorrow night, so I'm going to be here alone. Fancy coming over for a movie night?" It was four in the morning and the two had assumed their nightly routine of whispering to each other on Skype, lying in bed wanting the other there too much to hang up. "I would absolutely love to." Dan mumbled, half asleep. "You get some sleep beautiful, I'll see you tomorrow." Phil laughed, reluctantly hanging up on the call before he realised what he had done.

Had he just called his best friend _beautiful? _

Dan didn't seem any different when he rang Phil the next day, asking what time he should arrive. Maybe he had been too tired to remember.

About 10 minutes before Dan was due to arrive, Phil made the final adjustments to his hair, teasing it around his face until it was perfect. He didn't know why he cared so much, it was only Dan.

But it wasn't only Dan.

His intercom buzzing made him jump and filled his stomach with butterflies. He jogged to the living room and picked up the phone. "Hello?" He asked, knowing exactly who it was.

"Phil, let me in, I'm freezing my tits off."

Dan entered the flat with pink cheeks, complaining about how cold it was as he threw his bag into the spare room, and threw his jacket over the coat hook. He had been here so much lately that he felt more comfortable here than in his own home. He fell on the couch next to Phil, with a dramatic outward sigh. He caught Phil's eye and smiled. "It's good to finally be here, it's been a busy day." He leaned against Phil, snuggling in to his side. Phil put his arm around Dan and pulled him closer. Was this how friends were meant to behave? He'd never had a friendship like this before. Then again, he'd never met anyone like Dan before.

He absent mindedly stroked Dan's hair as the two sat in a comfortable silence. Phil felt utterly content- totally happy with everything about this moment.

"Phil?" Dan sat up slightly and shuffled to face Phil, his cheeks turning a dark shade of pink.

"Yeah?" Phil asked, his anxious mind instantly jumping to the worst possible subjects that Dan could broach. "What are we? I mean.. I think about you a lot. More than I should, considering you're my friend. I love being alone with you and when you hold me, I feel safe. And if I'm honest, I haven't been able to stop thinking about how you called me beautiful last night. I don't know. I was just wondering.." Dan trailed off, tugging at the hem of his t-shirt, doing all he could to avoid eye contact with Phil.

Stunned, Phil thought carefully about his response. Did Dan want to be something more? Did _he _want to be something more? He knew the answer to the latter question. Yes, yes, yes. He didn't cope well with talking about how he felt in person, the words that came from him never felt quite right. He always felt stupid. But for Dan, he would try his best.

"If I'm honest, I think about it a lot. I think about you a lot. I always want to be perfect around you but I don't feel like I have to try. You make me happy, happier than I ever thought I would be. The age difference doesn't bother me. But I'm not good enough for you really. I guess I just assume that you'll find yourself an amazing girlfriend and we'll drift apart a little and you'll forget about me, it's the standard protocol." Phil sighed, unable to look Dan in the eye. He felt so vulnerable, so fragile, knowing that Dan could completely broke him if he chose. But it had been said now, there was no taking back the words that hung in the air between them.

Before he knew what was happening, he felt Dan's hand cup his cheek, his cool skin contrasting with the warmth of Phil's own. Dan looked him in the eye, a piercing, warm look that Phil had never seen before. Their faces were inches apart, and neither really knew who closed the gap first.

Phil had kissed Dan before, light little affectionate pecks in greeting. But this was entirely different. It was what words couldn't express; it was both boys entirely opening up to the other. Phil had kissed people before, but never like this. He poured his heart into it, hoping Dan was feeling every bit of what he wanted to express.

After a few minutes, they pulled apart, entirely breathless. Dan smiled, and gently slid his arms around Phil's waist.

"So, we're more than friends, I'm guess?" Dan giggled, in such an endearing way that Phil couldn't help but smile like an idiot.

"I guess we are."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'M SORRY I CANT WRITE SMUT I TRIED OKAY BUT NOPE ABORT MISSION. big thank you to NeverlandNat for reviewing every chapter so far, you go girl. :D**

**He remembers when he truly fell in love with Dan. **

The two had gone to stay with Dan's parents for the night, planning to tell them they were together over breakfast, meaning if they didn't take it well, they would only have to endure the morning before being able to leave. Phil felt more nervous than he anticipated being. He wanted his boyfriend's parents to like him more than anything. He couldn't stand the thought of being rejected. But he stayed strong for Dan. After the initial greetings, the two boys slipped upstairs to Dan's room. As soon as the door closed behind them, Dan slid his arms around Phil's neck and pulled him into a kiss. They stayed this way for a while, their bodies pressed against each other, as close as they could physically be. Dan gently guided Phil towards his bed, laying the older boy down beneath him. He kissed along his jawline and down to his neck, lightly sucking and biting behind his ear. Phil's breathy moans turning him on more.  
"Dan.."

"Mmm?" Dan replied, distracted as he kissed his way down Phil's stomach.

"Not in your parents' house." Phil laughed, sitting up and kissing Dan's forehead lightly, as the younger boy pouted. "That is not fair, you can't tease me like that! You owe me." Dan folded his arms, becoming increasingly aware of just how turned on he was. "Evidently you're easy to tease" Phil smirked, staring pointedly at Dan's crotch. Dan laughed and punched him lightly, before kissing his cheek. They lay back on Dan's bed, arms around each other, as Dan noticed Phil's absent expression. "What is it?" Dan asked, as Phil got up and walked to the other side of the room, towards his guitar.

"I didn't know you played." He said, looking over at Dan with a smile playing at his lips. Dan felt a blush creep up his neck as he stared at his hands. "I'm not very good, really. I didn't think it important to mention."

"Play me something. Please." Phil said quietly, with such honesty in his voice that Dan couldn't say no. He stood and wordlessly walked over to Phil, took his guitar and sat cross legged in front of him. He played his favourite song, his fingers fluently finding their place, on the guitars neck as he gently plucked the strings and began to sing.

He became so entirely lost in playing that he forgot Phil was there, until he struck the final chord and looked up at the older boy, who had tears in his eyes. "That was absolutely beautiful." Phil whispered, locking eyes with Dan, before opening his mouth to speak again.

"You are.. You're truly extraordinary, Daniel." He held Dan's gaze, before shuffling beside him and slipping his arm around the younger boy's neck.

"Call me Daniel again and I will fill your bed with bees."

Both boys burst out laughing, nothing made him happier than to hear Dan laugh like that. Nothing made him happier than Dan.

"I love you." It slipped out before Phil knew what he was doing. But.. He meant it.

Dan smiled and kissed Phil's nose gently, pressing his forehead against Phil's own.

"You know what? I love you too."


	5. Chapter 5

**He remembers the first time he saw Dan cry. **

"Mum.. Dad.. I'm going to be honest with you. Phil didn't just come to stay over.. We kind of had alterior motives." Dan laughed harshly, his nerves showing. He rubbed the back of his neck, an anxious habit of his. Phil stepped closer to him and linked Dan's free hand with his own. "I'm going to say it as simply as I can. I'm gay. And Phil is my boyfriend. We've been together for 7 months now. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I wanted to be sure. I am sure. I love him.." Dan trailed off and looked at Phil, who held his hand and smiled, but was unable to hide the terrified look in his eye. Phil had come out to his own parents a few years ago, who had fully accepted him. They knew about Dan, and the two had planned to visit them over Christmas.

Silence hung in the air, and tension crackled between the two couples. Dan's father stared at the two boys link hands, his eyes wide. "I want you both to get out of my house. And I don't want to see either of you again." He said calmly, his voice shaking with anger. Dan's face fell, as he looked desperately towards his mother. "...Mum?" He half-whispered, child-like fear creeping into his voice. His mother didn't acknowledge him, but simply stared to the floor. Phil felt an uncontrollable, unnatural anger rise in him.

"How the fuck can you do this? He is your son! What difference does it make to you that he is gay? I love Dan, I would give up my own life for him! Why can't you just accept him, and us, and be happy?" Phil shouted, surprising himself with how assertive he sounded.

Dan's father jumped up from his chair, his face turning bright red with anger. He turned to Dan and grabbed the collar of his shirt, slamming the terrified boy against the nearest kitchen work surface.

"IF YOU AND YOUR FAGGOT 'BOYFRIEND' DONT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IMMEDIATELY, I SWEAR TO GOD I WON'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS. YOU AREN'T ANY FUCKING SON OF MINE." He let Dan go and stared pointedly at Phil, who remained too shocked to move. Dan's expression quickly changed to hard, a hard, blank, emotionless stare.

"Come on Phil." He said quietly, leading him out of the kitchen.

The pair walked upstairs wordlessly, and Phil gathered his things. Dan took an overnight bag and threw in what it could fit – essential clothing, toiletries, his journal, and a few pieces he wanted to keep. He threw his guitar in its case and walked briskly out of the door and out of the house without another word, knowing Phil would follow.

He couldn't speak. He knew he couldn't do it.

The pair walked wordlessly to Phil's apartment. Phil kept a slight distance from Dan, unsure as to whether the boy wanted comforting or not. Honestly, he felt lost. They took the lift to Phil's floor, and he awkwardly fumbled with the key, desperately wanting to be somewhere private, somewhere familiar. The two boys walked inside, and left their bags by the door. Dan stood, staring straight ahead into space.

"Dan?" Phil asked cautiously, unsure of how the younger boy would react. He saw a tear roll down his cheek, his face still expressionless. He felt a surge of protectiveness towards Dan and pulled him close, holding him as Dan began to sob, everything he felt taking hold entirely.

"Phil I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, I don't-" He repeated himself until a fresh wave of pain hit him and he realised exactly what had just happened. "If you want to end it with me, I completely understand. I mean, they are your parents Dan.." "No!" Dan said hurredly, looking up at Phil. "They chose to reject me. They don't want me. I want to be with you Phil, please don't say that." Phil pulled Dan closer to him, gently rocking the younger boy back and forth. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere if you don't want me to." He whispered into Dan's hair, resting his cheek on the boys head.

"But.. What am I going to do? Where am I going to live?" Dan sighed defeatedly, burying his head in Phil's chest.

"You must be joking! Dan, you know you always have a home here. Dont worry about rent, Me and PJ handle it with the two of us, I can definitely manage for you too."

"Phil, I can't let you do that! Its expensive! And PJ.."

"Yes you can, don't be silly. PJ spends most of his time with Chris these days anyway, and he likes you! He won't mind. You are staying here with me and that is final."

Dan looked up at Phil with utter adoration in his eyes.

"I don't even know what to say to you Phil.. You're perfect. Thank you."


End file.
